well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
