I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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