I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
