It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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