I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
