does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
