my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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