Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
