you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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