I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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