GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
