i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
