if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
