and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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