Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
