Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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