6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I want is dick and wine.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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