i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
