Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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