apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
