I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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