Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
