I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
