I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
