3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
