You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
