i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
