Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
