in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
