i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
