I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
