Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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