im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm really into asian looking animals
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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