the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the day after is always just damage control
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
