people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
