Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
