I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
