i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
