I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
