I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
3pm strippers are depressing
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
