Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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