so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
