Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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