someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
