at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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