I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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