whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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