so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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