You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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