I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
