Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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