I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
